In the quiet recesses of society, where the hum of expectations never ceases, men are forced to fight battles that remain hidden from the world. From the moment a boy takes his first steps, he is ushered into a world that tells him, through its actions more than its words, that strength is a virtue and emotion, a weakness. In Nepalese society, where tradition and masculinity intertwine, men are often bound by unspoken rules — rules that demand they hide their vulnerabilities, bury their pain, and never let anyone see the cracks in their armor.
“A man who cries is a man who fails.”
This is the silent mantra ingrained into the hearts of boys from an early age. The pain of a scraped knee is brushed off with a quick “Don’t cry” or “Be strong”. Emotions are shackled in the name of manhood, and crying is seen not as a natural expression of sorrow but as an assault on one’s identity. Boys grow up learning that to be a man is to remain unaffected, to endure the weight of the world without bending. The great American poet, Robert Bly, once wrote in his work Iron John that “boys are taught to be men in a world that tells them to avoid the truth of their own hearts.” This idea resonates deeply, especially in cultures like ours, where men are expected to be untouchable, their emotions sealed tight, never to be exposed.
The Weight of Unseen Expectations
In a world that prizes tangible success, a man is constantly judged by what he achieves. His worth is tied to his career, his income, his ability to provide. But this weight comes with a cost. To be a man means to never show weakness, to chase success relentlessly, and to build a future that is not just for oneself, but for everyone around him. The fear of failure is not just a personal demon — it’s a social sin.
An unemployed man, for example, is not just someone between jobs. In the eyes of society, he is less. His worth is questioned, his future uncertain. Where women might be given compassion in their moments of need, a man is given a different look — one that is filled with judgment. “Why aren’t you providing for yourself?” The expectations are suffocating. How often does society fail to ask, What is he going through? What invisible battles is he facing in this moment?
This pressure to succeed is constant, and with every day that passes, the weight grows heavier. Society doesn’t just want a man to be successful; it demands that he is already successful, without showing any cracks. It doesn’t allow room for mistakes, for a moment of pause, for a moment of vulnerability.
Career, Dreams, and the Myth of Progress
A man’s career is more than just a job. It is a measurement of his worth, a reflection of how well he is living up to the expectations set upon him. From the moment he enters the workforce, he is pitted against others in a race that seems never-ending. He must achieve, but never fail. He must climb the ladder, but the steps are steep and the climb unyielding.
There’s a myth that surrounds the idea of progress — that success is linear, that with hard work, a man will inevitably rise. But life isn’t a perfect trajectory, and the path to success is rarely straight. The fear of not “making it” is real and ever-present. Each day without progress feels like a day further away from the dreams he once had. The pursuit of career goals often becomes a way of proving worth to others, rather than a fulfillment of his own desires. This constant comparison, the feeling of falling behind, is a battle that many men face in silence.
Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once said, “Man is condemned to be free.” With this freedom comes a terrifying responsibility — the freedom to choose, the freedom to fail. In the modern world, the fear of failing in that freedom is amplified, and it often leaves men trapped between societal expectations and personal inadequacies.
The Emotions We Are Not Allowed to Show
What is often ignored in this equation is the emotional toll of living in a world that demands perfection. Men are not just expected to succeed — they are expected to succeed without showing the cracks, without revealing the internal storms they weather every day.
Men often feel as if their emotional expression is a betrayal of their identity. To cry is to admit defeat. To show sadness is to reveal fragility. Yet, these emotions do not disappear; they are simply buried. And in the dark corners of the mind, these hidden feelings accumulate, creating a pressure that is unbearable in its silence.
To quote the great American writer, Sylvia Plath, “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” For men, the worst enemy may not only be doubt, but the crushing weight of societal expectations, the pressure to be something they are not allowed to be — human.
The Quiet Battle for Understanding
In all of this, there is a silent cry — not for recognition, not for applause, but for understanding. Men are not machines. They are not simply providers, protectors, or figures of strength. They are complex beings, shaped by their experiences, their desires, their dreams, and yes, their emotions. But society has long ignored these facets, leaving men to fight their battles in isolation.
In the words of the poet William Blake, “The cut of the sword does not kill, but the words you say will.” And so, society’s words — its expectations, its judgments, and its assumptions — have left men wounded, not physically, but emotionally and mentally. It’s time to begin a new conversation — one where men are allowed to feel, to express, and to be vulnerable without fear of being less than.
We need to create a space where men can admit their struggles, without shame. A space where they are not defined by their successes or failures, but by the simple fact that they are human. To break the silence is not a sign of weakness, but a step toward strength. And perhaps, in the process, we’ll all learn to listen more carefully — to listen without judgment, without assumption, and with empathy.
